We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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