You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize