Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
