We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is the high leading the old right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
