It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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