thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
