Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
