physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize