The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
