I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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