Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
