Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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