Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
