Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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