Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
