So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
