The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
