My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
