where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You did what with his pubic hair?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
