like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
