They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
