Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
