you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
