and you said cock pushups were impossible
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
