Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
