Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
