capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
