what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize