Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
