there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
