my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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