I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
wow bdsm is so cute
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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