I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
