we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
