what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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