So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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