PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
