Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
