The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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