if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
