I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
