stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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