I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
