Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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