Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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