So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
