if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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