I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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