WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
