Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
