Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize