Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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