Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
