Umm I'm too high to move.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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