"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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