fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
