I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
