anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
