Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
