There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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