i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
