youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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