Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
