DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
