I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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