You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
