We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
