does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
