The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
